Bun in the Oven

We are going to have a baby. I am 10 1/2 weeks right now. It feels like it has been a lot longer because I knew the very second that it happened. Believe me when I say, that moment was sincere and beautiful. To associate it with the baby’s life will be 'our' blessing in itself, I know this. We waited until the last week of the month to walk over to the local store together to buy a pregnancy test. We figured that the hormone level would be best to test after I was technically "late," even though deep down we knew. The directions on the box were in Spanish, so I told him “you will have to read this for me.”

We woke up the next day at 4:30am for him to go to work. He opened the box the night before and put everything upstairs in the bathroom for me, ready to go. In the morning I went up and did the urine test. I brought it down to him while he stood in the kitchen brushing his teeth. He looked at it, looked at the paper, looked at me and said with his sexy foreign accent, “baby you’re pregnant.” We just held each other laughing.

We have always talked about having one more, but not until the papers were finished and that way I could rest and he could work. Stupid papers…. We never dreamed it would have taken this long and now I have aged a bit. When we first made the decision to separate and I take the kids to live in the USA from Mexico, we figured a 3-6 month separation tops, as that was what everyone told us. We had no idea it would have ever been like this. I doubt we would have gone forward with the plan knowing that a year and a half later there is still nothing, no light at the end of the tunnel, no date given. We would have never had the balls, never… if we knew what the last year and a half entailed… we would not have had the balls to proceed.

Yet here we are finding ourselves back to the start, only with more knowledge on the subject of immigration. We now are aware of how we are able to retrieve the blessed legal status papers for my husband, to let our children be raised by their willing father, but most importantly, to start a normal stable life in a home that we sink our love and time into filling with smiles and love and warmth… one home that does not entail suitcases, passports, and time limits to squeeze everything in till next time… and the tears of separation.

However, we may have to give up that goal and return to Mexico this June for good, after all that.

The next few weeks will entail many tests for the baby that I carry to see how the factors of my high risk age pan out. We most certainly do not want to go in on the blind to deliver a baby in a dark room in Mexico until I know that everything is fine. I am sure that he/she is, but it is nice to be prepared.

That is where we are right now.